Gaston (English)

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here’d love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There’s no man in town as admired as you
You’re everyone’s favorite guy
Everyone’s awed and inspired by you
And it’s not very hard to see why
No one’s slick as Gaston, no one’s quick as Gaston
No one’s neck’s as incredibly thick as Gaston
For there’s no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley
And they’ll tell you whose team they’d prefer to be on

No one’s big like Gaston, a king-pin like Gaston
No one’s got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
As a specimen, yes, I’m intimidating
My, what a guy, that Gaston
Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips
Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips

No one fights like Gaston, does his lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston
For there’s no one as burly and brawny
As you see I’ve got biceps to spare
Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny

That’s right!
And every last inch of me’s covered with hair

No one hits like Gaston, matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston
I’m especially good at expectorating, ptooey
Ten points for Gaston!
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
And now that I’m grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So I’m roughly the size of a barge

No one shoots like Gaston, makes those beauts like Gaston
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
I use antlers in all of my decorating
Say it again, who’s a man among men?
And then say it once more, who’s that hero next door?
Who’s a super success, don’t you know that __
___
There’s just one guy in town who’s got all of it down

And his name, G-A-S-T, G-A-S-T-E, G-A-S-T-O...
Gaston!