I admit that in the past
I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me
Well, a witch

But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light
And made a switch

And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And here lately, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf of the miserable, lonely, and depressed – pathetic!

Poor unfortunate souls in pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them? Yes, indeed!

Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying spells, Ursula, please!

And I help them?
Yes, I do

Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals

Yes, I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word

And after all, dear
What is idle prattle for?

They're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn on a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man

Come on, you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead! Make your choice
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much, just your voice

You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad, but true
If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet
You've got to pay the toll

Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll
Flotsam, Jetsam - now I've got her, boys
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate soul

Beluga, sevruga, come winds of the Caspian sea
Larynxes, glacydis, ad max laryngitis la voce to me